Dwayne or Byron?

Last night, I watched the last two episodes of season 5 of the much missed tv show, A Different World. These are the episodes with Whitley marrying Byron/Dwayne (Episodes 24/25).

Prior to those two episodes, Dwayne had flaked out on Whitley and went on a date because he wasn’t sure that he was ready to marry her. He told her that he had doubts and she said, “You have doubts, not dates!” ANYWAY

I remembered all of my excitement and joy when Dwayne walked down that aisle saying Baby Please!!! and she runs down the aisle saying I do!! The 1992 me was elated and happy that true love prevailed. I was like “Poor Byron, Yay Dwayne!”

While watching last night, the 2014 me began to wonder if Whitley made a mistake. Should she have married Byron Douglas instead of Dwayne Wayne?

In 1992, I would have said that you don’t settle and true love conquers all.

In 2014, I know that true love doesn’t necessary equal happiness or longevity. And is it settling to be with someone with whom you also love and have common interests and pursuits? Is it settling if you are thinking with your mind instead of your heart?

I don’t have the answer but I wonder if I’m thinking of this all wrong. Is a “worthy love” only the fiery, all consuming, passionate, soul-mate kind of love or does responsible, compatible, mature and stable love count? Is it possible to have both?

Would you choose Byron or Dwayne?

Good Quote

I’m in a hotel room waiting for the kids to wake up. On the drive from Michigan to Atlanta, Georgia we had to stop and get some rest a few hours ago.

Or should I say, I had to stop. They slept pretty good.

We will be getting on the road shortly. I am quietly reading in a bed that I hope has no bedbugs (been listening to too many pear control guys) and reading a book that I forgot to pick back up.

You know how you are reminded of something that you already knew? (through reading, conversations or déjà vu).
This book is full of things that I already know…either consciously or not…and I keep forgetting them.

I am thankful for the reminder.

The book quotes a line in a book by Gary Renard, “you will not break loose until you realize that you yourself forge the chains that bind you.”

See I knew that!!!

So why do I hold on to these chains?

Back again

It’s been so long since I posted on here that I forgot it even existed!

Ok I’m back.

Song in my head- Beyonce’s Flawless! Won’t she do it!

Today is my daughters 20th birthday and I was a little emotional and feeling all blessed. She’s a survivor.

I have decided that I need to start manifesting my intentions. Creating my reality. With that being said, I can’t keep putting things off. Not while saying that they are things I want to do. I have to be the change I’m trying to see. Word!

So I’ve started using pencil and paper and writing out daily, weekly goals.

One of my goals was to start writing again. That included blogging. This is my start.

That’s all for now. But I’ll be back. I’m back



mothers are superheroes

This experience has been the most emotional, horrendous, moving, exhausting experience in my life.

So many people have called me strong. That word has stuck with me through out this experience. It always makes me want to kind of step back and say, no I’m not. I’m just a mom. The word keeps coming up and keeps sticking with me. So much so that I just have to address it.

I have always thought that there is a special and unique spirit that only a mother possesses. There are mothers and there are mothers. So not every woman that has a child and is called mother is a mother. This I know. But when I speak about mothers, I am talking about that special gift to a person’s world that is essential to a persons being. It’s spiritual.

I have always been thankful for mothers. Women who carry a baby in their womb and think and worry and pray and cry and shout and laugh over that baby/child’s life and future. Like God, a mother loves their child from the womb. And it is often all encompassing.

With that said, a year ago when we found out that my first born child had a brain tumor. It rocked my world. Because I knew it would change my child’s world. But we have been on this journey and fighting this fight for this past year. And among all other things, a mother is a fighter. She is a soldier. She surveys the landscape and circumstance of her child and prepares to meet the coming enemy with her might. Sometimes she will win and sometimes she will lose. But she fights nonetheless. And sometimes, she has a whole army with her. I have had so much support from my family and friends and even strangers. A whole army of people with well wishes, kind thoughts and words.

Through out this year, I have had my mind set against the Big “C” word. Hopefully, the tumor is not cancer. That was my mantra. But then the tumor was cancer. But it is a “curable cancer”  it responds well to chemo and radiation and they believe they can get it all. Now the radiation may cause problems 20 years or so down the line but even those should respond well to chemo/radiation.

So now, we have a name. The enemy has a face. And we face the enemy. My daughter is strong. She takes this and keeps on going and planning. That makes me stronger.

Sometimes, I cry. But I don’t allow myself to wallow in a river of tears. Sometimes, I look at my daughter and feel sad at her laying in the hospital bed. But then I think about how blessed we are that it is not worse.  We have seen other children in this hospital on this floor who’s story breaks my heart. My heart goes out to their mothers. They are so strong. And the children are always smiling.

I think that says a lot. It says that you can deal with what is placed in your path. It may be hard. It may make you cry. But you still put one foot in front of the other and walk.

So to everyone who thinks I am strong. You should know that I am just a mother. And I’ve always known that mother’s are super hero’s.

motivation for today

my search for words led me to resurrect a novel that i was once so passionate about writing. i picked it up where i left off and am fighting the the continued procrastination battle.
i keep stopping to research…getting more and more research until i am not writing but reading about the thing that inspired this attempt at a novel in the first place.
bottom line, i need to get it together. and i’m trying.
on a side note, i can not get r.kelly’s “when a woman loves” out of my head. i love the old school feel of it and can’t help but love his voice & music..though i have tried to abandon the R since i believe him to be a chester (if you don’t know what i mean, ask).
needless to say, i am listening to the song but would not leave my teanage daughter alone with 60 miles of the great R.