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‘Tis a lesson you should heed:Try, try, try again.If at first you don’t succeed,Try, try, try again – W.E. Hickson

I had a goal to post at least weekly. I didn’t succeed.

I had a goal to document each book that I read in 2014. I didn’t succeed.

I had a goal to walk 1.5 miles at least three times a week. I didn’t succeed.

I had a goal to eliminate processed foods. I didn’t succeed.

But I have tried and I will try, try again. 

Starting now. 

It’s Friday! I get off of work. Rush home and grab my son’s weekend bag. Tell my daughter to come on and go pick up my son. Then I drive about 20 minutes to meet my son’s father and drop them off at our meeting point – a Shells gas station.

As I pull out of the parking lot, I turn my music up to Free by Freeway and chair dance all the way to this nice restaurant to have a meal and glass (or two) of Pinot Noir.

I whip my book out of my purse while waiting on my food (and I write this post from my phone). I’m reading Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones (good, so far).

I will be going to see The Other Woman at the movies when I leave.

I love these date nights with myself.

Enjoy your weekend. Mine is off to a great start

I like to know what comes next. 

“This is the number one rule for your set, in order to survive gotta learn to live with regret”  – Jay Z

For many years, I had one regret. At least one that stood out more than others.

That regret was moving back to Michigan. Moving back home. 

First there was the struggle. I moved back without a financial safety net. And I struggled for it. It took me nine years to make what I made before I came back. During those nine years, I accumulated bad debt and bad credit. 

Secondly, and more importantly, when I came back, it no longer felt like home. There was of course the things that are familiar – family, old friends, old flames, old hang outs. But I no longer felt at home. I felt different. While I was away, I learned things about myself. Being away from the only family and friends that I had ever known, I learned to rely on myself. I learned to trust myself. What I really thought; what I really liked without interference from loved ones. I listened to myself. I felt connected to God all on my own for the first time. It was liberating.

Then there was the friends who became my family. I grew up with my friends from home. But I grew up with my friends while away. There is a difference. I had new connections with people who shared a similar world view with me.

At some point, after coming back home, I realized that I had made a mistake. 

So I decided that I would leave. But I didn’t go. I stayed. I made the best of my situation. And I lived with regret. And longing. 

Today though it is not regret that I feel. I realized during my daughters illness that I was in the right place and for that purpose. But that longing is showing up again and I’m itching to move. To go somewhere. To do some things.

All of a sudden, I’ve started thinking about the things I haven’t done that I want to do. Thinking about my fears and what’s holding me back.  

I want to move! But I don’t want to have any regrets. I want to do things a little better this time. I want to take the leap but leave out the struggle. 

 

It’s today

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I remember years ago saying that I just wanted to be happy. That was my life goal.

That was MANY years ago.

Today my mom called to tell me that I needed to make a call to someone who needs some encouragement. She threw in “since you’re so happy”. I was about to defend myself. I was about to argue and say “what do you mean”? Who’s happy?

That was about an hour ago and I’m sitting here wondering why I didn’t want to claim that happy?

So I’m sitting and surveying my landscape and circumstances and I must say…I’m pretty happy. Things are looking good.

Whose happy? I am 😘👏👍

i’ve been reading a book that deals with manifesting my intent and thought.

it’s great because it has these experiments that to help me understand and really believe that the universe will bring to me my wants.

one of the underlying things that come to my mind while reading this book is that i have tobe able to sift through and shift my thoughts. i realize that my mind is so filled with distraction. with this inner chatter. as i’ve been working on being deliberate in creating my reality, i realize that i must first get rid of this fear of getting right down to what i actually want.

i mean a clear and focused zoning in on what i want.

i should be sleep right now and i’m typing this in bed right before i doze off…but i wanted to put it out there that i have to think it out and write it out. and then receive it.

So this has been quite the year of reflection for me.

I had a huge promotion at work. It came after moving up the ladder during my eight years at my job. During that time, I had a new baby, moved at least three times, became a medical expert and She-Warrior going through my then teenage daughters trials with brain cancer and it’s treatment.

I’ve experienced change. Those major life changes that can make or break a person. Changes that make you look around and see where you are and who’s by your side.

I allowed my emotions to be released during this year….after a few years of being very numb so that I could be very strong.

I reconnected with old friends. Some have passed away. My circle increased and so did my support system.

I learned the importance of planning and the realness of thinking and speaking things into existence. I’ve finally found the desire to write again.

I’ve been saying that I would get married without a potential mate in mind. To my surprise, people started showing up. That also made me reflect on what I really wanted. Who I really am. What I really need (there is a difference between what you want and what you need).

I realized that I am a whole person. Some people are a different person at work…different with certain people…they have different levels of spirituality based on the surrounding circumstances. I stopped compartmentalizing myself. I learned that I am whole. I am just me.

I learned that people listen. That people care.

I don’t need to make resolutions for the new year. 2014 is going to be wonderful. I’m on a path. I’ll keep walking it. I am writing my plan. I am working my plan. Great things are in store.