Juggling

img_3402-2Picture this –
First, I start with being a wife and mommy. Then I add student and writer in the mix. And then I add in a full time job. Easy, peasy.
I am wife, mommy, employee, writer and student.
jug·gle
ˈjəɡəl/
verb
gerund or present participle: juggling
  1. continuously toss into the air and catch (a number of objects) so as to keep at least one in the air while handling the others, typically for the entertainment of others.

YAWN – Daily Prompt

( YAWN ) What bores me? Power Rangers.

Today’s prompt was about what bores me?

If I had answered that question a year ago my response would have been different. For example, I am not a shopper. Going to the mall and digging through sales and clothes/items has never been my thing ever since I was traumatized in stores (particularly Kmart) by my Big Momma (grand mom). I especially hate shopping with other people. Going to the mall with girlfriends is the quickest way to give me a headache and a nasty attitude. To keep myself in check, I always bring a book and if I can find a place to sit while everyone finishes shopping then I can manage to make the best of the shopping trip.

Now, of course I have to shop from time to time. When I go to the store, I like to know what I want and go to a store or two and get out before my feet start hurting.

But today, I’m a stay at home mom. And I love to get out of the house. There are times now when I love to go to the store! And all of a sudden, I’ve become a shopper. I swear for a few months after I moved here, I had a package being delivered from amazon.com about twice a week.

I suspect that I might still end up with a headache and a nasty attitude if I found myself in a store for too long with certain folks. But today, that would not be my number one answer for what bores me.

The answer today would probably be Power Rangers. I hate Power Rangers!! My seven year old son loves them!!  I have tried to get into it with him but that has to be the cheesiest thing ever made – the dialogue, the costumes, the special effects. All of it sucks. Thankfully, I always have a book nearby and I can read until it goes off and he’s had his Power Ranger fix.

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Sink or Swim

So I’m trying to write at least once every day and when I saw the prompt for today Sink or Swim I was thinking that maybe I would skip a day.

Only on day two and I’m already like nah!!

Part of the reason is that I almost feel like life is one big Sink or Swim test that you go through and you either sink, swim or drown or a combination of the three.

Part of the reason is that all of these images and memories with my former organization of the last nine years came up and I miss work and working and I don’t want to be reminded of my high stress job that I both loved and hated and all of those terrifying times that I was thrown into situations, meetings, new assignments and had to make a go of it.

At some point I realized that by going through all of the reasons that I didn’t feel like doing this assignment, I might as well have posted about one of those reasons. Or about this process. Which is basically, what I’ve just done and what you’ve been reading 🙂

There was also that time that I joined the Navy.

I was the least athletic person that I knew and my day mostly consisted of reading and talking to my friends. I am also not very disciplined. So me going to boot camp was kind of laughable. I was also 22 years old and already a single parent. It was very hard leaving my young child with my family. I kept telling myself that it was for the pursuit of a better life. Surprisingly enough, boot camp wasn’t too bad. For boot camp. I found myself laughing every time I was yelled at for some minor offense. I remember cracking up one time when I had to drop and  do 20 push ups. They added more push ups to show me it was serious and I eventually stopped laughing because my arms were tired and hurting.

And then there was that time in boot camp where I literally did have to sink or swim to pass the swimming test. I wasn’t a great swimmer and was terrified of jumping off of the diving board. As I was floating on my back I kept saying  to myself “I can do it” over and over. And the water was in my ears and it made my voice seem really loud like maybe God was talking to me saying “You can do it” and before you knew it. I had done it. It was over.

Whenever I really get nervous about something like public speaking or giving birth, I press the padding of my pointer finger into the nail of my thumb and tell myself “I can do it” over and over again. And I usually find myself swimming along.

Yay, day 2 is done.

 

Resolved

Resolved

Although I didn’t make any New Year Resolutions, I did acknowledge that I wanted to continue being the best me that I can be. That is a resolution of sorts.

A part of that includes following my passion, passionately. For many years, I’ve been wanting to write. For just as many years, I have this fear of writing and of pursuing that passion. I once read that a writer writes. Daily. I do not write daily. When I am going through things, I do write an occasional poem. I have attempted to write quite a few novels and often don’t get past the first few pages even when I have the whole story fleshed out in my head.

In the back of my mind, I know that discipline is a necessary requirement to pursuing a writing life. I have to make myself write. Every day. That is so challenging. I’ve had a blog of some sorts for about 7 years now.  I started on blogger and you can find that first one  here . But I’ve never been a very consistent blogger.

I have been trying to take it more seriously in the past few months and I recently signed up for a daily post from WordPress just to learn more of the ins and outs but also to remind me that – hey, I have a blog!

I just found out today that there is a daily writing prompt and this is my first. The word was Resolve. I guess I now have a new years resolution.

Hopefully, my efforts won’t have fizzled out by the middle of the month.

enjoyable moments

it’s like

sitting back and reading a thought-provoking book
without interruption,

just a white chocolate mocha
to occasionally provide me with that extra
sweet physical stimuli 
while my mind is already realizing some new reminder
of things i already knew 
like, 
chatting with friends 
and feeling a sense of love
and acceptance 
for who you actually are 
and being comfortable in that space
while laughing about something silly that one of you 
has done or said
like,
being with him for a day
and taking in the pleasure
with a lightness of being, a sense of home
like all is right with the world and 
its ok to be my best self
while holding his hand or 
moving closer to him to take it all in
and allow myself to feel the connection
like,
watching my son move about 
with wonder
yet comfortable in who he is 
because he hasn’t yet learned that 
he is not the center of the universe
while he looks at me 
as if i hold all of the answers,
and all of the comfort and all of the love in 
all of the world
like, 
thinking of my daughter 
with pride
knowing that she is a survivor of 
tremendous things
and being fearful 
of what is to come while 
knowing
that i held her hand and that she thinks 
i am her pillar of strength
while i am waiting for her 
to understand her own strength
exhilarating and frightening
wonderful and inspiring
there is so much joy,
and fear but
infinite possibilities abound
in those little things
that i enjoy
each of those moments bringing
new potential
for life to unfold.
sometimes i just have to stop
and breathe.
i know i get ahead of myself.
right now i am taking it in.
realizing how 
magnificent
this 
one breath
one memory
one thought
one feeling
right now
it permeates 
my entire being
that is enjoyable enough